at some point, dont you just feel like giving up? dont we all?
today, whatsapp was down.
its like someone up there is giving me a sign, giving me something that i wanted, something that i needed. this absence. it's always funny how things turn out, like how i wanted so much to be uncontactable, and here it came.
the funny thing is, it doesnt feel like there's a difference at all.

somehow or another, this blog has became a place for me to come too, when im really sad.
and then there's the thrill of pple finding out. that pple will come to know of those feelings that i keep buried.

and it's times like these, i know where i stand.
i know that this wasnt what i fell in love with, but this is where im trapped, all because im in too deep and you cant just pull yourself out like that as much as you wished you could.
so much resentment, so much sacrifices.
over and over again, ive told myself not to sacrifice stuff that matters to me for boys.
like friends, like activities. cause once they are gone, it's difficult to get them back. i should have learnt. you wont ever get the same thing back, it's not worth it. cause after all this sacrifices that you've made will make you resent the one that you made it for. how ironical it all seems.

the greatest love is one without expectations, unconditional.
but how many of us can really acheive it?
aint we all just searching? for that something, that passion in life, something you can wake up to feeling happy. searching for an answer, to tell you who you are, what do you want in life.
something that give a meaning to your life.

and at this point in time, i feel so lost.
this should have happened years back, i should have started searching years back, during the supposedly "troubled teenage years". and at this point it seems like all my peers have found themselves, or so it seems to me. and yet im behind. still searching.

i hate you.
i hate you for leaving.
i hate you for leaving me.

but we'll make it through right?
it's not that long. we'll try to deceive ourselves, or rather me deceiving myself.

why does it have to be you.
the past few days have been crap. fucked up in every possible way, in the worst possible time.
i dont like what we're doin to each other. i dont like how similar we are, but yet thats what bring us so much closer. it's freaky how we think of the same things at the same time, how we're two insecure idiots with imaginations, taking turns to reassure each other, without fail.

and you always say the right things to make me feel better.
things have changed, it makes us real (:

we'll get through (but i still hate you)

dont we all hate being lied to
why do we still do it to others?

its been pretty darn good with you around (:

back to school (:
it's gonna be a lonely sem i think..
i'm missing king yu so much! hope she's having fun in penn state. i cant wait for the sem to be over already..
cousin's coming over with FOODD! can't wait!

J msged all the way from brunei! got me smiling like an idiot. hahaha :D
and i'm really so tired of all these conversations. it's going round in circles.

thanks for leaving my heart in turmoils once again.
why tell me all these when nothing will change.
i've worked so hard, to get you outta my head, outta my system.
and yet... why is it so easy for you to creep your way back in.

you know i meant every single word that i sent you.
and i really hoped you meant wad you said.
why contact me now.
and once again u left me with many unanswered questions and the emptiness that u left behind.
and you'll never know.

on a sidenote,
happy new year!
a pretty interesting countdown in the cab, just in time to watch the fireworks display at marina.
last night was pretty awesome. less those msges.

behappyD