why give me your love, when you're going to take it back.
why paint me a future, when you gave up on it.
why promise, when you're going to break them.

why must it be you, to break me into pieces.

you picked me up, you made me believe in love again, you made me believe in forever.
yet you're the one, crushing every single bit.

if you've got someone else, if you've stopped loving me.
let me go, stop feeding me with lies.
i'm crashing down hard, but at least when i reach rock bottom, i know its time to pick myself up.

at some point, dont you just feel like giving up? dont we all?
today, whatsapp was down.
its like someone up there is giving me a sign, giving me something that i wanted, something that i needed. this absence. it's always funny how things turn out, like how i wanted so much to be uncontactable, and here it came.
the funny thing is, it doesnt feel like there's a difference at all.

somehow or another, this blog has became a place for me to come too, when im really sad.
and then there's the thrill of pple finding out. that pple will come to know of those feelings that i keep buried.

and it's times like these, i know where i stand.
i know that this wasnt what i fell in love with, but this is where im trapped, all because im in too deep and you cant just pull yourself out like that as much as you wished you could.
so much resentment, so much sacrifices.
over and over again, ive told myself not to sacrifice stuff that matters to me for boys.
like friends, like activities. cause once they are gone, it's difficult to get them back. i should have learnt. you wont ever get the same thing back, it's not worth it. cause after all this sacrifices that you've made will make you resent the one that you made it for. how ironical it all seems.

the greatest love is one without expectations, unconditional.
but how many of us can really acheive it?
aint we all just searching? for that something, that passion in life, something you can wake up to feeling happy. searching for an answer, to tell you who you are, what do you want in life.
something that give a meaning to your life.

and at this point in time, i feel so lost.
this should have happened years back, i should have started searching years back, during the supposedly "troubled teenage years". and at this point it seems like all my peers have found themselves, or so it seems to me. and yet im behind. still searching.

i hate you.
i hate you for leaving.
i hate you for leaving me.

but we'll make it through right?
it's not that long. we'll try to deceive ourselves, or rather me deceiving myself.

why does it have to be you.
the past few days have been crap. fucked up in every possible way, in the worst possible time.
i dont like what we're doin to each other. i dont like how similar we are, but yet thats what bring us so much closer. it's freaky how we think of the same things at the same time, how we're two insecure idiots with imaginations, taking turns to reassure each other, without fail.

and you always say the right things to make me feel better.
things have changed, it makes us real (:

we'll get through (but i still hate you)

dont we all hate being lied to
why do we still do it to others?

its been pretty darn good with you around (:

back to school (:
it's gonna be a lonely sem i think..
i'm missing king yu so much! hope she's having fun in penn state. i cant wait for the sem to be over already..
cousin's coming over with FOODD! can't wait!

J msged all the way from brunei! got me smiling like an idiot. hahaha :D
and i'm really so tired of all these conversations. it's going round in circles.

thanks for leaving my heart in turmoils once again.
why tell me all these when nothing will change.
i've worked so hard, to get you outta my head, outta my system.
and yet... why is it so easy for you to creep your way back in.

you know i meant every single word that i sent you.
and i really hoped you meant wad you said.
why contact me now.
and once again u left me with many unanswered questions and the emptiness that u left behind.
and you'll never know.

on a sidenote,
happy new year!
a pretty interesting countdown in the cab, just in time to watch the fireworks display at marina.
last night was pretty awesome. less those msges.

behappyD

stupid octopus face.
at times you srsly irritates the shit outta me, at times you just melt my heart. like melted cheese.
please tell me it aint true ):

missing the girls )):

havent felt this way in a LONG time.
waiting for his message, hoping that he would call.
and the fact that he doesn't know. omggggggg.
he said he's washing his car. haaa. wonder wonder wonder.

life's been pretty good.
thanks to that octopus face (jacob) being ard.
to friends that stick by me.
and the fact that your last msg totally reflects how i felt.

don't make me choose, he will always be the one.
yes, this is how i feel for now.

quick B, msg me back! hahaha

i'm guessing its really over now.
i'll be strong, exams are just round the corner and i cant afford to screw up.
i cant break down now. (:

why do i feel lost?

where were you when i needed you the most.
when i'm so lost and tired, i cant even count on you to be there.
not even a single word, nothing but coldness.

so, who can i turn to?

up down left right.
the weekend has been a rollercoaster. especially sat.
can this change last for long?

i have been told i need to be more tactful.

tact·ful (tākt'fəl)
adj. Possessing or exhibiting tact; considerate and discreet: a tactful person; a tactful remark.
tact'ful·ly adv., tact'ful·ness n.

tact (tākt)
–noun

1.	a keen sense of what to say or do to avoid giving offense; skill in dealing with difficult or delicate situations.

2.	a keen sense of what is appropriate, tasteful, or aesthetically pleasing; taste; discrimination.

3.	touch or the sense of touch.

considering the above definitions, i think i have been pretty tactful with everyone else.
I do not go around shooting my mouth off and offending 134585984 others. that's what i normally do. i think before i speak. at least i try to.

then again how do you be tactful when what you want to say to make your point is in itself already offensive, and have a high tendency to annoy and anger the other party?
i.e. the content itself is already offensive and there's no other softer way to bring it across, if not the meaning would have been lost in all the rephrasing and what nots.
so, how do you go about doing it?

and the thing about waiting for a better timing?
what if that's already the best and most appropriate? by waiting it could have made matter worse? or there wouldn't be another opportunity to say it anymore?

so, how do you actually be more tactful under these circumstances?

everything's going on as usual,
school, projects, home, sleep. and so the cycle continues.
there's something missing in the equation.

at times, i think i just shut off.
distance myself from everything that matters.

gosh, sounding so emonemoelmo.
looking forward to seeing lao huang tmm tho (:

holding on is hard,
letting go is even harder.

are you going to break your promise just like that?
if i don't put in the effort, who will?
maybe one day, when i cant hold on anymore, when it gets too tiring... maybe..
i don't understand how could you have such a strong hold on me.

need to get my ass moving and get things done.
self-improvements.
it's time to grow up and move on (:

i think i might just start blogging again (:
so much have changed, and how much i have grown since the last time i blogged.

i just wished that i could have a nice book in hand, settled in my warm comfy bed and read through the night. without upsetting thoughts interrupting now and again.

dont we all wished we had something to fall back on, something to look forward to, something to brighten up your day? at least i do.

THIS BLOG IS UPDATED!! muahahhahs :)

just for you k!
went through so much lahs!

i shall try and revive my dead-ed blog.
this is my first attempt.
i changed the blogskin!! out of boredom.. pretty lame i guess but what the hell rite.

life's good. rite. if only u stayed in dreamland or lalaland that is.
okays. i desperately need to start completing the day's work. timetables never work fer me. grr.
hmmms. accomplishment of the day : i finished my chem carboxylic tutorial!!
first chem tutorial that i actually did myself since dunno how long ago.
ahh.school sucks. preety much obvious.
chem test on wed and maths test on either wed or thurs. big bundle of joy.
guess wad i'm writing doesen make much sense. not to myself not to you. i am just rambling.
hahas. self entertainment. guess i'm bored. mass pe was not that bad. randomm

i'm addicted to ch8 dramas. save me. been practically watching every episode of the 9pm slot show. its nice lahs.

i need to get the ball rolling
and
keep it rolling.

not that bad for a first attempt of revival.

Changing, dancing,leaping, creepin from old life into new,
wondering what i think of you,
unseen dreams and newfound schemes,
two lives enmeshed, embroiled, enhanced at last,
and suddenly heart snagged, held fast no turning back, no lettin go,
too late to run, too soon to know i all is well,
yet time will tell it all,
and softly in the night i call your name,
nothing quite the same admist this total rearranging,
as everything about me is shifting, moving, changing..

:)

I wish I could say the right words
To lead you through this land
Wish I could play the father
And take you by the hand
Wish I could stay
But now I understand...
I'm standing in the way

I wish I could lay your arms down
And let you rest at last
Wish I could slay your demons
But now that time has passed
Wish I could stay
Your stalwart standing fast
But I'm standing in the way
I'm just standing in the way
I AM BLOGGING
after sucha FREAKIN LONG TIME.
and i ALMOST forgot the pw to this blog.

anyways, hols are almost over and done with.
one of the most unproductive school hols EVER.
for one.. i haven even touch a single piece of school work..
and i have no idea where i have placed them.. much less done any revision at all.
and i'm being sucha pig!! save me someone..

been to mawai and back again!!!
the rainy days made the place damn muddy.
leeches.. dun u just love it..-_-""
anyhow its all over and i've yet to even start on the report that is due dunno when..

highlight: I'VE CUT MY HAIR!!! and its short..
hahas. so light and easy to washh.. i likeee.. and i can bathe faster now.. lalalas :)

ooohs.. and i'm spending my days in front of the tv watching some longgggg korean drama called DA CHANG JIN.. or something.. pretty interestin show..

and overall i haven done much this hols except just slack my time away and procrastinatin and slack some more. hur hur. and i'm seriously damn broke now..
:) SMILESS!